I'm getting use to watching the sun come up from my windows these days. I'm very awake and "est tres tranquil" at this time.

Everything in its time, seems like a far too ancient thing for me to say. But facing the blank state of my current life (you can pretty much figure out, how active I've been by how frequent the posts are. So since my prev post was since my first canto test and my 2nd one's upcoming next week, it's clear that Jeanie, here, have been sitting out on life once more).

Anyways, I was saying.. my blank life. is well BLANK.

But the improvement is at least I work (a little), and I'm (slowly) embracing my POOR french and hatred for group work. And gradually easing into philosophy. I found this amazing chapter in a philo writing that's titled: It's Sunday night and I have a philosophy paper due Monday morning. See philosophers can have a good sense of humor and be VERY GROUNDED in reality.

I'm digressing. But actually, I pretty much have nothing else to say. Just like I have nothing to say to all my acquaintances. I'm working on that.

I did my oracle readings last weekend. And the same cards came up. For Love: apparently I still have too much baggage to start anything. I did a pretty accurate reading for my roomie too. Well, its good to know that I'm still connected there.

PS: Hkies ARE NUTS! They're having hall fest just one week before exams and submissions... So every night now I hide in the library or pretend i'm part of the furnishings in my room. Why did I think I'll ever fit in?

J

Letters to myself.

Dear Jeanie,

I cannot believe you missed your cantonese test today at 1pm. I'm sure we're both well aware of its 20% weightage and in view of everything your best shot of all the future assignments in this course for you to keep that C instead of a D. Yes, we are struggling to even maintain a C.

You could tell me that you fell asleep at 9.30am, with full intention to wake up 2 hours later for the final revision of the materials before the 1pm test. But you and I, both, know that you gave up long before you went to bed.

You gave up, so instead of spending the night hard at work memorizing the grammars of the language, you watch cycles after cycles of America's Next Top Model (none of which you remember now). You spent the time listening to the new Taylor Swift album, surfing through the meanings of the lyrics, when you should be focusing on the the meaning of Cantonese.

Subconsciously, you made the test too insignificant to register. And you can't even plead first-time offense. Because you've done it before. In Sec School. In Lasalle. When you simply can't or well, didn't study for the papers, you damn well know is important. So you sleep, hide, pop pills, whatever allows you runaway from being a responsible person. Then, you waste good, hard-earn money to bluff a MC and get away.

But you know what. You're 21 now. And away in HK.
I did not bring you here just for the grades, we could that anywhere.
I brought you here for a fresh start, and to learn from scratch how to be a person. GOOD person.

I'm sorry you have to learn this at 21. But, we're not going to the doctors' this time.
We're not lying to the teachers. I wanted to let you suffer by losing those grades (and possible fail this course. Yes, I am that serious)

But Kahee is right, I should grovel. Grovelling will be the perfect punishment that will stick in your muddy little nuthead and deter future incidents like this.

So you will grovel to the Cantonese lecture (who positively hates your guts) and without lies, ask for a second chance.

Do take care and follow the rules from now on. I do not wish to see another repeat incident. Just never give up. (And I've not even started on the Karate.)

Farewell for now. But I'll be watching..

Best. yourself. (better self)