Depression Logging.

Tues 17 Mar.
The swirls got crazy. and got me dizzy. I got off holding my stomach with my right hand, in my left: the evidence of impossible failure. You know that they say reality always knocks the hardest at the softest, weakest spot. I'm wounded. So I stop, ranted and pretended -that i've moved on.

Wed, 18 Mar.
Still pretending that all wounds are healing on the outside with medical painkilling aids. Was in class, then left with a queasy sense that the festering pain came from older wounds, and somewhere much deeper in my depth-less being.
I shoved the blankets over my head and hoped that the nightmare won't be remembered. Conveniently forgetting that I have already left the main tracks into the wilderness.

Thurs, 19 Mar
The holidays started without official notice. If my life was a quilt, the threads are baring thin now. More verbal vomiting pouring out into the open. The signs are clear, clearer as I ran physically and saw the mirroring actions. Trying again to miss the repercussions.

Fri, 20 Mar
Woke up to nothingness. Life progressed into slumber and delusions. Beauty of some kind came in the form of cover-ups and masks. Sliding into delirium, as I poured toxic into my soul. Giving the dark and suppressed, a reason to surface and pursue the truth that has been denied into eternity.
And remember the murmurs, as we all held and cried. Helpless to help either of us with the problems that matters.

Sat, 21 Mar.
If March only had 20 days, I might not have to wake up to sore and bumps. But I did not get a concussion, no matter how loud the 'thud' when I knocked my head. If only I did, then I wouldn't wake up to memories and recollections. At least, I had an excuse. I watched her pretend that yesterday was about someone else, and continued with the life we couldn't and wouldn't leave behind us.

Sun, 22 Mar.
Trying to leave. and to claim that it is over.

Mon, 23 Mar.
Gone and away. driving everyone further and further away from the coast.

Tues, 24 Mar.
Over. And wasted. I want leave. to disappear. and the solutions aren't really solutions anymore.

Augustana - Boston

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Because I'm sick and tired of report-ing and coz' I'm eating my cuppa noonoo...

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So i say you’ll..

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh....

Jasmine I think you get the point... Come home...