Depression Logging.

Tues 17 Mar.
The swirls got crazy. and got me dizzy. I got off holding my stomach with my right hand, in my left: the evidence of impossible failure. You know that they say reality always knocks the hardest at the softest, weakest spot. I'm wounded. So I stop, ranted and pretended -that i've moved on.

Wed, 18 Mar.
Still pretending that all wounds are healing on the outside with medical painkilling aids. Was in class, then left with a queasy sense that the festering pain came from older wounds, and somewhere much deeper in my depth-less being.
I shoved the blankets over my head and hoped that the nightmare won't be remembered. Conveniently forgetting that I have already left the main tracks into the wilderness.

Thurs, 19 Mar
The holidays started without official notice. If my life was a quilt, the threads are baring thin now. More verbal vomiting pouring out into the open. The signs are clear, clearer as I ran physically and saw the mirroring actions. Trying again to miss the repercussions.

Fri, 20 Mar
Woke up to nothingness. Life progressed into slumber and delusions. Beauty of some kind came in the form of cover-ups and masks. Sliding into delirium, as I poured toxic into my soul. Giving the dark and suppressed, a reason to surface and pursue the truth that has been denied into eternity.
And remember the murmurs, as we all held and cried. Helpless to help either of us with the problems that matters.

Sat, 21 Mar.
If March only had 20 days, I might not have to wake up to sore and bumps. But I did not get a concussion, no matter how loud the 'thud' when I knocked my head. If only I did, then I wouldn't wake up to memories and recollections. At least, I had an excuse. I watched her pretend that yesterday was about someone else, and continued with the life we couldn't and wouldn't leave behind us.

Sun, 22 Mar.
Trying to leave. and to claim that it is over.

Mon, 23 Mar.
Gone and away. driving everyone further and further away from the coast.

Tues, 24 Mar.
Over. And wasted. I want leave. to disappear. and the solutions aren't really solutions anymore.