I always thought whenever something comes up. Even if everyone's out of reach, I could type it out and share it. But this time, even that seems out of reach.

I would watch really old dramas from the past. And tear up, just suddenly.
I would work myself into exhaustion so when I hit the bed. I sleep, unable to think.
I would go shopping. And find out later that everything I bought was black.
1 black bag. 2 black dress. 1 black skirt. 1 black hairband. 1 black leggings.
I would put up a smile and tell people nice and optimistic things, especially when all I wanna do is hole up and scream.

Now you tell me what's wrong. Cause I wouldn't let myself figure.

I'm officially 21.
meaning I can drink in virtually every country in the world LEGALLY. Drive (with a license that is). and Gamble (if you're into that kinda stuff).

And I had a great week. Suffering through abortion english drafts, and canto recordings. Great meals with KR and pals, sad meals alone. And with daddy and mummy, whom quarreled minimally this time (To my greatest joy). With extravagant meals (I REALLY MEAN IT), my virgin casino gamble and presies. (i'll post pics someday)

As for my 3 magical wishes:

One) I want to remember and carry that purposefulness, and hopefully passion, I found when I came to HK for the nexr 5 years of my life - at least.

Two) To work on that special someone. after I work on me.

Three) I'm saving for the day if the special someone or my purpose fails.

Goodbye 20 yrs old. Hello 21. and Hello my work, it's time I faced the music.

This one is for you. Ms Jasmine Poh Jing Jing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! While I can't be there in person. I wanna just let you know that I'm real glad you're turning 23. (Because you're always older than me)

And that THANKS for being there for me for the past 23 years. ME and the WHOLE WORLD are happier with you here. :))

On my way to recovery, well except my little finger that got squash by the door. Ironically, because its too light unlike all the other doors in hk. So I used too much strength to open it, and my finger got caught between it and the adjacent wall. OUCH! Trust me, it hurts. ALOT.

So since i can't type much. I'll just you know that. I didn't do well in my PHIL 1001 test - not to push the blame around but the lecturer was 20 mins late. So we had 40 mins ONLY to do the 5 short (not really) answer question and 1 50 marks essay. But after its over, the relief that came over was, just really RELIEVING.

And so I went to LKF - I thought at some point that should bring me out of my hikikomori-ness. But, I didn't have fun. And I almost bit the tongue off some guy who claimed I looked like his ex. Then, I had a epiphany. It wasn't LKF. Maybe, partly, it was the heady combination of freedom and alot of alcohol. But, mostly it was me. The sense of purpose I had. To even purposefully have fun and let go. That's the Jeanie, I am.

So, watch out world. I'm back.

P.ps: I'm still unsure, however. If the entire emo episode was caused by the pre-test stress or really just me. I would worry, if i'm not in my happy bubble.

Ps: Why is this post written on a Saturday 6.07am?? Because I had too much red wine and sake last night... That kinda overdose is keeping me high and awake :( Because my renewed purpose, brought me out to drinks and dinner with Florence and co. (girlfriend of 家佑, whom is a family friend.) I normally wouldn't have went. Considering the generation gap that they are Gen X, me Gen Y. But, I did. It surprised me that I had fun. Quite a bit of it. I like it when life surprise me. People as well. I'm invited to join them (Generation X people) to go yacht-ing (yes, that's how rich bankers in hk are) today. So I hope my adventurism will still be here after my nap. AND no matter the case, I'm just glad to say that my Canto improved LOADS. (I can finally put sentences together, albeit slowly. But, still.

Almost nothing has happened since the last post. And I haven't left my hall for the past 30 hours. And that includes not going to class, YES. including not going to my favorite, Global Ethics Class. I made that decision, half-conscious on my bed. And since my return, let's just say the past habit of missing class followed me back here. So that's not the first class I missed. Tomorrow's my first philosophy test, and most of my time is still divided between being hungry, sleeping, watching charmed and the occasional studying (very occasional).

And my roommate diagnosed my symptoms as Hikikomori. Wiki says it to be acute social withdrawal. Great. But i'm working on it.

Trying to remember why I'm here. Tap into that power of new beginnings and find that HK "Jeanie", one different and much more driven than SG "Jeanie", who is parasitic.

I've read my first blog post on Day 2 HK. Remember how it is to want and to work.

To get there in time for English Class: $685SGD
To complete Essay intro for English Class: 1 Sleepless night (REJECTED)
To enjoy a weekend in Singapore, a day at the beach with my be-loved, songs and fun: PRICELESS.

I'm in a state of residual stress from multiple acts of stupidity.

(1) the additional $685 airticket that got me back to HK on Mon 0040h. So I won't miss the compulsory English class. Apparently, I booked tickets to return on 6 OCT. (Maybe subconsciously, I didn't want to return)
Epic conversation of the month:
Unfriendly Jetstar Ground crew: "Your name is not in the system".
Jeanie: "WHAT"


(2) Insult from English teacher. "That's new better than the 'my dog ate my homework' excuse. When I said my introduction (which I did not complete) was in my Macbook which i left in Sg (and is on its way shipping to HK). Well I did deserve that. Sleeping through last night (I had fever) instead of doing my work.

(3) the piling readings and EXTRA work (I should have done). Self Explanatory.

(4) the sunburn all over me - because I didn't put enough sun block. I wonder how karate in hell would feel.. and i think i will find out in about 2 hours.

Did I regret going back home? It's hard to. Considering I had the best time I had in a while, and alot more quality conversations than I would have here.

But coming back to HK, its like everything became foreign again. Strangers I don't know (Even, my roomie seems like one), Places I don't like, a life entirely different. And somehow while I was gone, someone replaced the scorching weather, with chilly winds and murky skies.

Now, I have to channel my energies into finding productive and sociable Jeanie once more. And as of now, its extremely difficult.

P.S.: I did contemplate not going for class today. I even emailed the bitchy English teacher and was prepared to see a doctor for MC. But I went. I guess Jeanie's a better girl in HK.

To SY: Sorry I've been MIA-ing from skype of the late... two reasons: 1) not around in the room la... 2) life is too heavy on this end le... taking its toil on me... But I hope germany's treating you well!
P.S: getting a little antisocial for now... after i clear my table of readings... I'll update you again k!! but please keep me posted of your happenings!! i'll be watching out!