left behind by time

Suddenly, i looked at my ical on the desktop screen and realized that it is nov 7. Somehow, without much of my noticing it, time flew by. And now, i'm 1 year older, but i guess not necessarily wiser.

The many turn of events, and many of my inherent characteristics that surfaced in response brought me back to a crossroad and new realization. It seems that because of what happened in phuket and the new thoughts infused into my life, i became increasingly trusting and dependent on others.

The strength that i have gathered at the start of the semester, have worn off.

In the end, revealing the face once so familiar. The same one that hides from the world, and covers her eyes under the pillow, convinced that she could live with practically nothing - no pride, no praise, no pragmatic work. In short, the need to take shortcuts, easy paths and be a coward.

My assignments remain undone, emails read but shafted into the recesses of my head.

And I realized that i always thought that ultimately, i'm the only one who has the power to destroy myself. The battle goes on, responsibility versus my true nature.

I wish i'll make the right choices this time. And not worry about the decisions I made, or even question if i want that future. Because, as of now i have no future to worry about.