I wanted to blog. But there's no words coming out of this brain. It only eludes traces of emo-ness that have filled my surroundings. The unheard resonance of emptiness following each laughter.

At some point of time, I thought I would cry. But the tears never came.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll tell you the story of the passed week.

Going Home.

It's the first monday of my semester. And yesterday's optimism have seemingly evaporated. (Perhaps I've set unrealistic standards)

The test of truth have caught up with me, as Singapore with its familiarity catches up with me. How exactly and how much to reveal about my past? As I grow closer to these new friends, the growing need to fill the details of the past starts to eat me.

Am I deluded and living in a reality of my own? No philosophical deduction needed. I am and that's the reality I should know.

This is a darkest post since my arrival. But reality slammed on the gates of paradise, as I remain helpless in my attempts to study. Suddenly, it occurred. I don't know how to do this.

PS: I'll be back in Sg on the 30th night to 3rd Oct. Because I saw a GR on the streets today and felt so much like crying. I miss TT.

Slacking on a Sunday.

It really shouldn't be this way. Instead of dating Descrates (To make him more familiar to you guys, he's the one who found the Cartesian Coordinates Systems - XY Axis. ) I'm on facebook, catching back with correspondence. Listening to Hip Hop and watching Youtube. Chatting with others, about my social unfamiliarities - People here are very PROACTIVE in their friendship pursuits.

I've met quite a couple of interesting people here. Went to a bar in 蘭閨坊 last night, finally. But, not with regular drinkers and party people. But with Phoebs and Zoe, whom remind me of those I drink with back at home. People who usually don't know what to order, don't club (at all) and can't really drink. (It was their first time, and I cannot feel any more ancient. )

I enjoyed it better this way, actually. I'm a drinker at heart, but don't like the emptiness of partying. Walking around in 20 cm heels on HILLs was a great challenge after 2 drinks and 4 shots though.

Today's a quiet day. And I'm oddly uncomfortable with "alone"-ness of it. I'm in a state of evolution. Like never before, I look forward to Monday.

Ps: here's what I woke up to. (A) And the greater sea view I now have on the 7th floor. (B)


P.Ps: Tonight's laundry night.

Ok. Just a quick list of things that happen today.

1) My Brother printer came today. But it already had ink, and I bought more.
So too much ink, no printing paper and no USB adapter to connect to the Com. So much for brotherhood.

2) I slept in with an inception-alike dream. I believed I woke up and was getting already for class. But that never happened. So I guess, they missed me at LING1001. Such a egoist and a word of advice: don't think about philosophical stuff before bedtime.

3) I had a great marketing class. So far, I understood all the stuff taught. And the lecturer's great, because he promised to cut us (the non-Biz class) some slack. And I verified that with my very nice senior. PS: there's like only a handful of freshmen (me included and I think ah tiongs excluded. No other international students.) So maybe, despite not working as long hours, Sgreans are taught to plan ahead better. P.PS: Why do I feel more at home and confident in the Business module than at my own faculty class. One wonders.

4) I had tea with Nico, the nice senior from harry potter dinner. Whom being nice introduced me to her friend, in Jap Studies who is also in the same marketing class. My first official hkie guy friend. (鞭炮 please).

5) So far, counting in acquaintances I keep in contact with my friends count is at:

• Hkie: 3 x girls (2 seniors) 1 + 1 (Wy's 'friend')
• International: 4 x girls (include KR, whom I positively adore) - 2 from Korea, 2 from Taiwan. 2 x guys. 1 from Korea (whom I think is WEIRD and so KR agrees) and 1 from Norway (proven slacker, I mean who selects their modules based on their timing if they fit from tues to thurs only -.-)
  

So I'm making progress. (Slowly). And my next week's schedule is already almost packed for the dinner slot. And that doesn't even include meals with KR.

Mon: With Phoebe (from TW). It's her b'day:) Finally, THEY get older!
Tues: With Roy. Call me Jeanie the Mercat Messenger. I think that all this suspense is bad for this poor guy. He probably expects like a love letter or something. Thank you Wenying, for putting yourself in such a disadvantaged position so I can make more friends!
Wed: Hall Tutor Meeting cum dinner.
Thurs: AVAILABLE :)
Fri: The peak!!! with Nico and friends :))))))

And I get to buy my shoe rack!!!!!!!! Nico says she's taking me there!

6) I'm finally going to have dinner with my Mauritian Buddy in like about 30 mins. After much waiting and postponement.

7) The leech from Sg is finally staying away from my paths. I think she got the message when I refunded her $$ for the french textbooks she 'asked' me to get for her. And told her "I forgot why I can't buy for you" and bought the books for myself only. :) And with my narrow escape from the same compulsory English class ( I switched class because of Ling1001), she now wants to take Global Ethics too. I hope she sits on the other end of the classroom.

That's all for now. I miss you guys alot. Esp when I spray the pillow spray Jas got me. Jo's Chloe perfume and Guerlain key chain I hang on Robin. I use the Netbook, Van gave me. I wear Fanny's pearl necklace. I see the 'my room' WenYing got me. The books Syl and Bev got me. And because it always rains, the umbrella, mummy bought.

And I tear up everytime I shut down my mac and they show me a clear picture of my Tong looking at his best. That's my secret. Ssshhh.. don't tell people.

In a philosophic brain mess now. that I'm glad for all of you back home. I'm far and away. And you don't have talk me through it. My KR, unfortunately, don't share that good fortune.

BTW. She's great and really nice. (She's my best-friend yet in HK) But I think if I talk to her about this further... she might just taekwondo me. (She holds a black belt.)

Questions I'm thinking about:
1) If a sadist alien race gives us an ultimatum.
a) WE to torture a baby for 1 hour. no specifications on whether the baby dies. but he probably will.
b) they torture the whole human race for eternity till we are exterminated.
What will you choose (which is the easy part)? How do you justify that? like in 3000 words

2) How do you know a table is a table? Which is easy enough, untill you think about the concept that to 'know' something, you need to be able to trust that your brain is sound.... etc... This IS inception. How do you know its not?

3) Can laws be broken? And fit ethics in...

Amidst all these brainsucking questions... I miss the times when everything was simple.

ps: imagine facing questions of this sort in an exam. Just 60 mins. Your brain in a juicer. I enjoy this stuff. Just not so sure, my GPA will survive the fall.

Pre- 1st day at U.

Terrorism: the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.

And that has been the very depiction of my days. Iphone terrorism.

Terrorism to be described in terms of fear, should be directly related to hope. A transition of the hopeful to the hopeless, till ultimately the resistance to hope.

Over the past 2 days, my iphone have alternated between consciousness and comatose. Every time it comes around, when I click around the screen, when I put the ear piece on and the music fortify me against the crowd. I am filled with a sense of relieve, peace and security.

Then all comes crashing when the apple screen of death resurfaces. That happened like more than 20 times. Including the one time after my 2 hour wait at Causeway Bay for my iphone servicing.

The apple "genius"-es than told me that the fault was on the SIM card, which apparently survived the previous bag flood, but is faulty, causing the iphone to self-destruct. That possibility brought me the Three3 (a hongkie version of Singtel) for a 45 mins wait. So I now have a new SIM, a new phone plan, (but no network, the activiation takes 24 hours because they need to verify my visa. In case, I am a illegal immigrant, dumb enough to get a data plan).

Later back at the Apple Store, the people gave me a replacement for my previous replacement. Because I do think they, too, are not entirely convinced that the iphone replacement(the 1st one) was faultless.

The phone hasn't died. YET. But, I'm now so afraid of bearing the hope that it will survive. That trust I used to have in APPLE and my iPhone somehow dissipated the same way the americans lost faith in their position in the Iraq war.

And back on the impending state of my first university day. I have just 1 lesson tomorrow. Though I'll be sitting for a Global Ethics Class to check out if I should switch classes. So 4 hours in total. Starting from a very civillised hour at 3pm. Though I have to get to Central to get my French course books for Thursday.

The trauma and exhaustion (it took me 1.5 hours to get back to hall tonight in the jam, it usually takes 15 mins on the same route) have sucked my anxiety and almost all of the excitement from my being. But I still carry in my heart, this tiny torch of bliss and courage that is seemingly keeping me awake.



And though the coming workload, hall activities, social pressure will erode my spirit and eventually i might lose my sense of purpose and become like the massacred statue I see everyday on my way to campus.

Nothing. Not even pesky leeches from the past that stick around in the present AND fatefully are arranged into the same compulsory class AND eagerly takes the same french modules like I do (most of you should know this one), will extinguish this flame.

PS: I'm reading Voltaire's Satire on Optimism now. And like Voltaire, I do not agree with optimism, merely a believer of creation and purpose.