To SY: Sorry I've been MIA-ing from skype of the late... two reasons: 1) not around in the room la... 2) life is too heavy on this end le... taking its toil on me... But I hope germany's treating you well!
P.S: getting a little antisocial for now... after i clear my table of readings... I'll update you again k!! but please keep me posted of your happenings!! i'll be watching out!
October 4, 2010
September 27, 2010
SEE that's my NAME on that uniform!!
Aftermath of my first karate class. Still enjoying it. Knowing myself, FOR NOW. But I really want a black belt (esp, after KR laughed so hard at my beginner white one.) And I want to be able to K.O. people. But to get a yellow one alone will take 4 months and 32 sessions...
a quick note on food.
NOOOOOOO FOODDDDDDD!!!
and that two words pretty much covers my state.
Been surviving on calabee hot and spicy chips (we run through them at alarming rates) and X packets of instant noodles (which I figured is what you get when you dine out in HK cafes anyway. Only with a piece of meat - i would not eat, and more oil and salt and cost more).
It's a myth that HK has good food. Good. If you're a tourist and have $$$ and since time=$$... More $$$ Not for struggling full time students who have no time to travel or $$ to spare.
Imagine for a plate of fried INSTANT NOODLEs. you pay 48HKD. Yes. that's about $8.20. Exactly. We're not even talking about dim sum.
And each of that nice dessert (which are hard to find, unless you hunt down the famous ones which will take like avg 45 mins travelling time to GET THERE alone). cost avg: $35 HKD. about $6.75.
I miss laksa. Hainanese Chicken Rice (I had this suedo thai version here, cost like about $12 SGD and SUCKS). Tofu. VEGETABLE. chili and that nice Fish and Chips... and proper Curry!!
and that two words pretty much covers my state.
Been surviving on calabee hot and spicy chips (we run through them at alarming rates) and X packets of instant noodles (which I figured is what you get when you dine out in HK cafes anyway. Only with a piece of meat - i would not eat, and more oil and salt and cost more).
It's a myth that HK has good food. Good. If you're a tourist and have $$$ and since time=$$... More $$$ Not for struggling full time students who have no time to travel or $$ to spare.
Imagine for a plate of fried INSTANT NOODLEs. you pay 48HKD. Yes. that's about $8.20. Exactly. We're not even talking about dim sum.
And each of that nice dessert (which are hard to find, unless you hunt down the famous ones which will take like avg 45 mins travelling time to GET THERE alone). cost avg: $35 HKD. about $6.75.
I miss laksa. Hainanese Chicken Rice (I had this suedo thai version here, cost like about $12 SGD and SUCKS). Tofu. VEGETABLE. chili and that nice Fish and Chips... and proper Curry!!
Falling off the radar...
this post is one of those that has been hanging behind my head for a few days. And it gets less entertaining. Because, I'm not a entertainer afterall.
It seems that the only thing I do regularly these days is: my weekly visit to LFK - where I meet a variety (in forms, shapes and nationalities) of jerks, like those who ask you for your number on their upgraded iphone 3GS with their girlfriend as the background picture (tong's on mine :D). My lesson learnt: clubbing's way more fun when you're slightly 'gone'. There is less motivation for punching those scumbags around you. And if you still do feel like doing it, you'll probably not have the strength to.
Then I sang and sang in the Hong Kong version of Kbox (Neway - they have like 4 different colored membership card for you to choose), with CT. We were alone. Because I really didn't want to spend anymore time in MC's presence. (3 hours a week in Marketing and the upcoming project time should IS ALREADY way over my tolerance limit). Nico, the senior, was not free. [It's a general feeling that while CT leaves me depressed and drained. MC just makes me speechless and perpetually shivering in his weirdness.]
All that being said. My recent state of 'alone' (my roomie who's also always in the room, not counted that is) brings me to a certain revelation.
Eventually when the dust settles, I realize that I have not made enough 'friend's. Friends being those you can hang out with, without the air of awkwardness suffocating you. I have like great counter-examples. Eg. JH the korean dude, whom proves to be the best study partner I can have. To avoid conversation, I've practically buried my head in the books. From the corner of my eyes, I saw like the 7 times he wiped his Mac screen with his burberry hankie (once every time he leaves the table and to my dismay - comes back).
Somehow, joining the AISEC club (which give us global internship and exchange opportunities blah blah) don't quite appeal to me. I've been to the recruitment talk, where they compile a list of numbers and repeatedly throw them in your face over 2 hours. I left, not understanding what the org. does, at all. During the talk, I met this guy, Ross. a.k.a by me "G"ROSS! Someone who managed to throw himself in my space repeatedly over 2 hours. (very touchy AND UGLY) And with his terrible english, I could not understand what he spoke, nothing at all , after the 3 hour interaction we had. Well, maybe he's a perfect fit for AISEC.
I've been to their interview, where they ask you to discuss global poverty, compare freedom of speech in Singapore & PRC, each with 2 min time limits. Then, I've met this guy doing Business and Law, this one with good English, he acquired in his 1 year in UK where he did his A Levels. He said "the Hong Kong A Levels is insanely hard, so I go to UK". (There's like a second round 2 group hour interview. and 3rd round....)
All these, plus the loads of students from international schools (which charges 10 000 SGD per academic year), my perception of hk-ies is hollowing out. And everything starts look really empty. Like the soulless dance moves I see at LKF. [Though I'm not really complaining about having these intl school Hkie Brats in my groupwork. Like the practical hypocrite I am, Good English is always welcomed.]
And I've been missing my karate lessons which clashes with every other thing like interviews and mooncake hols.
My social circles are closing in and overlapping. People from Sg (I got to know more at the ASEAN Compulsory Gathering).
And finally the root of the problem. My delusional state. I keep telling people that I'm from the A Levels stream. AND THEN I got my diploma. Not quite the truth. Repeat that: NOT THE TRUTH. (Each time I tell people of my past, I drift further from the truth.) There's a certain irrational oppression I feel. Ok. I'm not even half as confident as I look.
I thought leaving Sg, would mean leaving that part of me behind. That inferior, irrational delusional part. But problems, like cancerous cells or equivalent past, don't go away because you've shifted to another country. Should have figured that one out, since Airline companies are obviously not making more money than the hospitals.
Officially EMO-ing. (More like contemplating the implications and solutions to my delusional and multiple sides of the false truth. But still)
It is becoming really hard to live outside of my mind. ESP when my 6 credits Philosophy class is about Descrates (at least the parts I agree with, being the non-GOD parts)'s theory that you don't know if your past is true. Because, the only thing you can be sure of is the thoughts that are in your mind now.
And in a escapism streak yesterday. I finished the whole 13 episodes of Dollhouse Season 2. Doll house - based on a theory that your brain can be reprogrammed into an entirely different person. We're talking muscle memory, personality, memory, beliefs, even glandular reactions.
And I woke up at 3 pm today. 6 hours after I woke, the sky, outside my window, fell into complete darkness that seems strange to my body perceptions.
The 'truth' seems like a intangible, fragile concept. I can't be certain.
I'm hiding for a while. See you back in SG.
~ Back to Global Ethics Tutorial Prep. French test on Thurs.
It seems that the only thing I do regularly these days is: my weekly visit to LFK - where I meet a variety (in forms, shapes and nationalities) of jerks, like those who ask you for your number on their upgraded iphone 3GS with their girlfriend as the background picture (tong's on mine :D). My lesson learnt: clubbing's way more fun when you're slightly 'gone'. There is less motivation for punching those scumbags around you. And if you still do feel like doing it, you'll probably not have the strength to.
Then I sang and sang in the Hong Kong version of Kbox (Neway - they have like 4 different colored membership card for you to choose), with CT. We were alone. Because I really didn't want to spend anymore time in MC's presence. (3 hours a week in Marketing and the upcoming project time should IS ALREADY way over my tolerance limit). Nico, the senior, was not free. [It's a general feeling that while CT leaves me depressed and drained. MC just makes me speechless and perpetually shivering in his weirdness.]
All that being said. My recent state of 'alone' (my roomie who's also always in the room, not counted that is) brings me to a certain revelation.
Eventually when the dust settles, I realize that I have not made enough 'friend's. Friends being those you can hang out with, without the air of awkwardness suffocating you. I have like great counter-examples. Eg. JH the korean dude, whom proves to be the best study partner I can have. To avoid conversation, I've practically buried my head in the books. From the corner of my eyes, I saw like the 7 times he wiped his Mac screen with his burberry hankie (once every time he leaves the table and to my dismay - comes back).
Somehow, joining the AISEC club (which give us global internship and exchange opportunities blah blah) don't quite appeal to me. I've been to the recruitment talk, where they compile a list of numbers and repeatedly throw them in your face over 2 hours. I left, not understanding what the org. does, at all. During the talk, I met this guy, Ross. a.k.a by me "G"ROSS! Someone who managed to throw himself in my space repeatedly over 2 hours. (very touchy AND UGLY) And with his terrible english, I could not understand what he spoke, nothing at all , after the 3 hour interaction we had. Well, maybe he's a perfect fit for AISEC.
I've been to their interview, where they ask you to discuss global poverty, compare freedom of speech in Singapore & PRC, each with 2 min time limits. Then, I've met this guy doing Business and Law, this one with good English, he acquired in his 1 year in UK where he did his A Levels. He said "the Hong Kong A Levels is insanely hard, so I go to UK". (There's like a second round 2 group hour interview. and 3rd round....)
All these, plus the loads of students from international schools (which charges 10 000 SGD per academic year), my perception of hk-ies is hollowing out. And everything starts look really empty. Like the soulless dance moves I see at LKF. [Though I'm not really complaining about having these intl school Hkie Brats in my groupwork. Like the practical hypocrite I am, Good English is always welcomed.]
And I've been missing my karate lessons which clashes with every other thing like interviews and mooncake hols.
My social circles are closing in and overlapping. People from Sg (I got to know more at the ASEAN Compulsory Gathering).
And finally the root of the problem. My delusional state. I keep telling people that I'm from the A Levels stream. AND THEN I got my diploma. Not quite the truth. Repeat that: NOT THE TRUTH. (Each time I tell people of my past, I drift further from the truth.) There's a certain irrational oppression I feel. Ok. I'm not even half as confident as I look.
I thought leaving Sg, would mean leaving that part of me behind. That inferior, irrational delusional part. But problems, like cancerous cells or equivalent past, don't go away because you've shifted to another country. Should have figured that one out, since Airline companies are obviously not making more money than the hospitals.
Officially EMO-ing. (More like contemplating the implications and solutions to my delusional and multiple sides of the false truth. But still)
It is becoming really hard to live outside of my mind. ESP when my 6 credits Philosophy class is about Descrates (at least the parts I agree with, being the non-GOD parts)'s theory that you don't know if your past is true. Because, the only thing you can be sure of is the thoughts that are in your mind now.
And in a escapism streak yesterday. I finished the whole 13 episodes of Dollhouse Season 2. Doll house - based on a theory that your brain can be reprogrammed into an entirely different person. We're talking muscle memory, personality, memory, beliefs, even glandular reactions.
And I woke up at 3 pm today. 6 hours after I woke, the sky, outside my window, fell into complete darkness that seems strange to my body perceptions.
The 'truth' seems like a intangible, fragile concept. I can't be certain.
I'm hiding for a while. See you back in SG.
~ Back to Global Ethics Tutorial Prep. French test on Thurs.
September 19, 2010
Settled in.
The previous entry is. Discontinued. Because I have to live in the present.
The present: with another 10 pages of Climate Change Readings, 3 Chapters of Marketing, A Source-sharing presentation carrying 5% on Monday, French Exercise and Memorizing, 1 Descartes Mediation to do. At 1:30AM of Sunday.
KR reminded me of why I came to HKU yesterday. I enjoy working hard now.
Voluntary Work to distribute Mooncake to Elderly at 9.30AM this morning.
And I'm still trying hard to forget about last Thursday.
And despite the slightly mellowness of this sentences.
剝離了回憶 開始尋找孤獨
找到孤獨 就不怕寂寞了
I'm oddly comforted in it.
Ps: I'm running a fever. But can't make it to the closed clinics on Sunday.
The present: with another 10 pages of Climate Change Readings, 3 Chapters of Marketing, A Source-sharing presentation carrying 5% on Monday, French Exercise and Memorizing, 1 Descartes Mediation to do. At 1:30AM of Sunday.
KR reminded me of why I came to HKU yesterday. I enjoy working hard now.
Voluntary Work to distribute Mooncake to Elderly at 9.30AM this morning.
And I'm still trying hard to forget about last Thursday.
And despite the slightly mellowness of this sentences.
剝離了回憶 開始尋找孤獨
找到孤獨 就不怕寂寞了
I'm oddly comforted in it.
Ps: I'm running a fever. But can't make it to the closed clinics on Sunday.
September 13, 2010
It's a long post. But you'll probably laugh a little.
this is what you have missed on the last week of my life.
What did I miss in yours?
But this post of memorable points is not going to be done chronologically, since memories don't appear that way (at least I think so). Instead, the order of which they come up, while they might be subjected to many other conditions, should tell you more about what I think of them. (Actually, its because I believe that I'll be doing enough points organization and REFUSE to do the same for my blog)
1. Why I have typed like over 200 words of "words" and have not told you anything of consequence? Because, I'm delaying my impending research on "abortion" which is the topic I'll probably have to write on for my ACADEMIC ENG FOR ARTS STUDENT class. And the revision of french numbers (1 - 20) AND to GO THROUGH MY CANTO CLASS 2 - BECAUSE I MISSED IT. (more elaboration later)
2.I've been drinking. QUITE A BIT. exactly how often? On Wed (just 2 bottles of Heineken - note: I can't tell the taste difference between beers, but just have a preference for this brand since that SUCCESSFUL MARKETING ad by Jennifer Aniston) and like on Fri night - like just half a bottle of the 380 ml Gordon Gin with some 27% Korean Soju, 0% Margarita Mix and 1 can of Heineken. Why? (See Below)
3. To further elaborate on pt. 1&2. I need to update you on this girl. and probably on my roomie, and others I've met. Here Goes.
CT, Age: 20 going 21. Nationality: Singaporean - Exchange Student from Monash U. Met during hall fire drill. Further acquainted at Intl Hall Orientation (85% were ah tiongs) and lunch on mon.
My biggest mistake in this meeting? Telling her so much about my life and the people I know in HK. Telling her untruths about my life and about how I actually feel about her. Visiting her room that fateful Wednesday afternoon. Having her take away my control over my life as she enters my room, or pushes her way into my appointments with others. (... You know what I'll stop here. Because everything seems like a mistake. You get my point) ----
Because I HAVE to add this: She KEEPs saying these "I'm a crybaby", "You know, Jason (her Boyfriend), "I need more guy friends".
We spent like mon lunch, wed 3-10pm, fri dinner, sat 4 -10pm, sun 3 - 5pm. and she now wants tomorrow lunch together. I said ok. Because I didn't want to add to the list of lies. Though the biggest one is that I said like her (if we met in Sg, I wouldn't give her a minute of my day. She reminds me of Esther Chew - self explanatory).
KR, Age: 19. Nationality: Korean. Well, she's my roomie :)
We're in a "it's complicated relationship" on fb. But I'm not sure if she understands that I meant it as a joke. (So yes, I'm abit worried that she might get the wrong idea about my sexual orientation)
She writes welcome signs and paste them on the door - "Welcome Jeanie. Before you enter, (1) Throw away emo Jeanie. (2) return to a state of lovely jeanie. ..." and then has a notice board on the table that tells me to "shut up". So I'm wondering if I've grown so comfortable with her I forgot to keep my boundaries. Why?
Because I came back so entirely emo on wed. We talked for like hours till 3.30 am. And she had 9.30 class the following day. So we were both dead fish in class the next day. She told me about her life, and her mine. A 99% true account of about 80% of my life. I'm like a very guarded person. But we get along, and I weirdly trust her.
Because I came back on fri on the verge of falling into the abysses of depression (caused by CT's presence, I said. But later, I came to realize that it was me all along. Though I could really do without CT adding oil to the flames.) And I wanted to brave the X number of lightnings in the thunderstorm to go get my alcohol. And with a resigned face, she puts on her jacket and shoes and went with me. And also went along with my crazy plan to visit her friend's room for a drinking sleepover. (her friend lived in a hall about 10 mins by bus, where people could stay over for free. Because security was slack). And we talked the night. KR, for some strange reason gave me the feeling that she knew the cause of my unhappiness that I couldn't voice out entirely, even with that much alcohol in my system.
RL. Age: ??. Nationality: Ah Tiong. Met because of one of my fav people on earth, Wy. Had 1 FB inbox convo, 1 phone conversation to arrange for the meetup and 1 dinner together with CT. Impression: A nice guy - who offered to help me with my canto. Dislikes his area of Civil Engineering and ,like almost everyone else, hopes to get into the FINANCE sector. Emits an aura of 怨氣 about the responsibility of being of a guy and tends toward negativity regarding his future.
MC. Age: ??. Nationality: HKie. Met through Nico Senior (aka NS), in same Marketing Class. Had 1 brief sms/fb convo, 1 lunch, 1 dinner and sightseeing around Central with NS, CT. In Arts, Jap Studies. Impression: Weird. Have an obsession with gyming, body building and have weird sense of EQ. (Because asking someone & without a reply, SHOWING off your biceps during lunch on the 2nd encounter is beyond weird and very disturbing). That was a very 無語問蒼天 moment. Also very strong 怨氣 about his future, his attractiveness to girls (Because his prev relationship ended with his gf cheating on him while he spent his deferred year in Japan.) Though I really suspect that his height (or lack of) might be a contributing factor too.
NS. Age 20 going 21. Nationality: Hkie. ... (to be continued because its late... but more actually because I'm chatting with Shuang Ying)
What did I miss in yours?
foreword: Why do I blog? This question appeared as a thought bubble in my shampoo-ing head in the bath cubicle just 15 mins ago. (Ok, too much info and introduction). Like the many thoughts and happenings that occurred over the past few days, the original intent of this activity have faded away in the crowded mess. Perhaps for writing practice, to update all of you back home? But more importantly, because strings of words dance around in my head. Screaming at me for an outlet. And because, the words have reappeared. I'm writing this post.
But this post of memorable points is not going to be done chronologically, since memories don't appear that way (at least I think so). Instead, the order of which they come up, while they might be subjected to many other conditions, should tell you more about what I think of them. (Actually, its because I believe that I'll be doing enough points organization and REFUSE to do the same for my blog)
1. Why I have typed like over 200 words of "words" and have not told you anything of consequence? Because, I'm delaying my impending research on "abortion" which is the topic I'll probably have to write on for my ACADEMIC ENG FOR ARTS STUDENT class. And the revision of french numbers (1 - 20) AND to GO THROUGH MY CANTO CLASS 2 - BECAUSE I MISSED IT. (more elaboration later)
2.I've been drinking. QUITE A BIT. exactly how often? On Wed (just 2 bottles of Heineken - note: I can't tell the taste difference between beers, but just have a preference for this brand since that SUCCESSFUL MARKETING ad by Jennifer Aniston) and like on Fri night - like just half a bottle of the 380 ml Gordon Gin with some 27% Korean Soju, 0% Margarita Mix and 1 can of Heineken. Why? (See Below)
3. To further elaborate on pt. 1&2. I need to update you on this girl. and probably on my roomie, and others I've met. Here Goes.
CT, Age: 20 going 21. Nationality: Singaporean - Exchange Student from Monash U. Met during hall fire drill. Further acquainted at Intl Hall Orientation (85% were ah tiongs) and lunch on mon.
My biggest mistake in this meeting? Telling her so much about my life and the people I know in HK. Telling her untruths about my life and about how I actually feel about her. Visiting her room that fateful Wednesday afternoon. Having her take away my control over my life as she enters my room, or pushes her way into my appointments with others. (... You know what I'll stop here. Because everything seems like a mistake. You get my point) ----
Because I HAVE to add this: She KEEPs saying these "I'm a crybaby", "You know, Jason (her Boyfriend), "I need more guy friends".
We spent like mon lunch, wed 3-10pm, fri dinner, sat 4 -10pm, sun 3 - 5pm. and she now wants tomorrow lunch together. I said ok. Because I didn't want to add to the list of lies. Though the biggest one is that I said like her (if we met in Sg, I wouldn't give her a minute of my day. She reminds me of Esther Chew - self explanatory).
KR, Age: 19. Nationality: Korean. Well, she's my roomie :)
We're in a "it's complicated relationship" on fb. But I'm not sure if she understands that I meant it as a joke. (So yes, I'm abit worried that she might get the wrong idea about my sexual orientation)
She writes welcome signs and paste them on the door - "Welcome Jeanie. Before you enter, (1) Throw away emo Jeanie. (2) return to a state of lovely jeanie. ..." and then has a notice board on the table that tells me to "shut up". So I'm wondering if I've grown so comfortable with her I forgot to keep my boundaries. Why?
Because I came back so entirely emo on wed. We talked for like hours till 3.30 am. And she had 9.30 class the following day. So we were both dead fish in class the next day. She told me about her life, and her mine. A 99% true account of about 80% of my life. I'm like a very guarded person. But we get along, and I weirdly trust her.
Because I came back on fri on the verge of falling into the abysses of depression (caused by CT's presence, I said. But later, I came to realize that it was me all along. Though I could really do without CT adding oil to the flames.) And I wanted to brave the X number of lightnings in the thunderstorm to go get my alcohol. And with a resigned face, she puts on her jacket and shoes and went with me. And also went along with my crazy plan to visit her friend's room for a drinking sleepover. (her friend lived in a hall about 10 mins by bus, where people could stay over for free. Because security was slack). And we talked the night. KR, for some strange reason gave me the feeling that she knew the cause of my unhappiness that I couldn't voice out entirely, even with that much alcohol in my system.
RL. Age: ??. Nationality: Ah Tiong. Met because of one of my fav people on earth, Wy. Had 1 FB inbox convo, 1 phone conversation to arrange for the meetup and 1 dinner together with CT. Impression: A nice guy - who offered to help me with my canto. Dislikes his area of Civil Engineering and ,like almost everyone else, hopes to get into the FINANCE sector. Emits an aura of 怨氣 about the responsibility of being of a guy and tends toward negativity regarding his future.
MC. Age: ??. Nationality: HKie. Met through Nico Senior (aka NS), in same Marketing Class. Had 1 brief sms/fb convo, 1 lunch, 1 dinner and sightseeing around Central with NS, CT. In Arts, Jap Studies. Impression: Weird. Have an obsession with gyming, body building and have weird sense of EQ. (Because asking someone & without a reply, SHOWING off your biceps during lunch on the 2nd encounter is beyond weird and very disturbing). That was a very 無語問蒼天 moment. Also very strong 怨氣 about his future, his attractiveness to girls (Because his prev relationship ended with his gf cheating on him while he spent his deferred year in Japan.) Though I really suspect that his height (or lack of) might be a contributing factor too.
NS. Age 20 going 21. Nationality: Hkie. ... (to be continued because its late... but more actually because I'm chatting with Shuang Ying)
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