Hope

Hope is such an interesting thing. It lights a flame within the soul,
simultaneously striking the heart with so much fear. It paralyzes you.
And I now, I shall learn to live with this hope...

Sent from my iPhone

I realised that the old scars of the past still stings when uncovered.
Can't differentiate if that numbed pain is from the unrecovered wound
or just the disgust of facing the damage so trufully...

It's been a very bad night... And I'm still trying to pull through....

Sent from my iPhone

This should be my personal statement. Can't believe I'm still not
done...

honestly. just for documentation only.

anyways, ok don't sms me for the next day coz my phone is in the nokia service center, instead of hell where it belongs. So i can't send my lovies to sylvia darling in forms of mushy sms-es...
So i'm going to fb!! Syl WE LUV LUV LUV LUV you k... muz take care of our da-jie for us in netherlands. and be very very happy too!!

ps: i'm going to get an iphone... the whole nokia thing is just far too traumatizing. (My mum was super sweet about the whole thing!) So i can send emails to syl like sms-es! YAY!

p.ps: didn't slp last night because of the terrible terrible phone trauma... so my hk application essay is still in an unknown dimension in the recesses of my brain. So sylvie i think you can't vet it for me le. Coz I'll probably only be done with it early morning tmr (like in the AM zones of today)..

JUST HAvE a SAFE TRIP K!! I LOVE YOU!!
mucks, j

I found myself a curator - i think it might work.

Ps: have not been productive at all, since 4.46pm when my feet entered my room. Oh dear...

Anyways, today's a relatively good day. A friend dropped from my list of friends and became semi-leech position. Some sour lemons and grapes, some shoes in my face, but otherwise pretty good. Shaw Hong gave me some solid advice about how things should progress from here. And without being willful any longer, I gave my position as artistic director of the project and found a curator to handle the artsy work. (Ps: I'm adverse to doing so formerly, because of really a**hole examples. )

But the talks went fine and easy. My ex-lecturer, now curator, let's call her, B thought for about 3 secs (maybe she didn't really know how much work it entails, maybe she does) and said "Yes". And concept-wise, the flow has been quite good. B even mentioned a project in the states, so similar my P859. There's a photography book for it, and it's now top-place on my buy list, below it there's a new toothbrush and loose powder.



I want to share this project with you. If you're reading, its called 3191 Miles Apart. About two women photographers who take random shots of their mornings and uploaded it on flickr, never met each other but became friends. Like a urban fairytale.
http://3191.visualblogging.com/ - which is current.
http://3191ayearofmornings.com/mornings/ - which is about the book.


... these are vignettes of simple everyday things: a cup of coffee, soft-boiled eggs, rain boots kicked off at the front door, the stem of a flower, many crumpled napkins, many spoons. Though the two women were 3,191 miles apart the images are complementary in their color and composition more often than not. Sometimes startlingly so. The blog, and the book that followed after a year’s worth of images (and 3,000 visitors a day from Australia to Iceland), capture the rhythms of everyday life, often surprising the viewer by the sheer beauty of the most quotidian element. That each woman paused to record the curve of a daughter’s ear, a bowl of cereal or a shadow cast across the floor before sitting down in front of a computer is an act that carries with it the most clichéd, yet essential, of all messages: stop and smell the roses (and the coffee, the toast, the morning air). We’re living in difficult times, and it seems it’s exactly these tiny details and fleeting moments that can offer us the most solace and even joy. —Allison Arieff, The New York Times

How beautiful. 107 days. J

Da-duh! Finally done on the final draft of the Event info. Seriously it's been edited like 10 times and over. Finally done with loads of help from Jonana the legal consultant - of which without can never be done with my not-so-recent expression deficiencies.
ps: in jas's room now. My air-con's dead... and ah tong is on the bed, with jas. and i might be sleeping on the floor tonight... Sighs...这年头，做人还不如一只狗!
------------------

Part of the i-AM Festival, LASALLE ’10 Arts Management Diploma Show (19 March - 27 March 10), 4AM st(art) is a visual arts project by a team of four students of the Arts Management Programme challenging conventional boundaries of art exhibitions. Under this project, two concurrent non-profit exhibitions titled Project 859 and Moments held at Orchard Central will create a novel artistic experience in a unassuming environment receptive to any audience. The concept of an artist will also be reconstructed by juxtaposing artistic displays forged by collaborative efforts of participants without any artistic expertise in Project 859 alongside mainstream artworks in Moments.

Project 859 is a participative new media photography exhibition depicting the symphony of life in Singapore at one synchronized moment. Over the course of one week, members of the public will be asked to photograph a moment in their lives at 0859 daily. Entries will be organised and displayed without artistic censorship to capture all notions of art. It is hoped that this artistic collaboration by virtual strangers will bridge distances between people through the realisation and celebration of similarities and differences in individual lifestyles.

Of particular notice is the showcase of ‘859 Community Feature’, a series of photographs depicting the lives of children living in 15 local children homes at 0859h. This aims to help increase awareness and social involvement in the less fortunate communities in Singapore.

Moments is a visual arts exhibition showcasing various young & emerging artists. The focus of Moments stems from famed philosophical quotes exploring the concept of time and of conflicting emotions of familiarity, anxiety and distance. The concept of Moments is for the exhibition to be integrated as part of the retail mall. The aim is to allow the galleries to be chanced upon randomly by shoppers, facilitating their participation in the arts.

108 days

Iforgottoaddthatitsonly108moredaystothendofmydaysinlasalle....

OC

I think this warrants a post. But after that every long email that racked my brains thirty thousand times and over about time-lines and thing to be done. I think i'll just make do with a. "YAY" i got orchard central.

And found something in myself to believe in.

i copied this from someone's fb note.

-----
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

無病呻吟

“这年头好像很流行无病呻吟” 那無病呻吟的我，好像也趕上流行了。好怪呵。

一直在想。。。 如果把一件事情说一百遍，那它就是事实吗？
好像不是。但真的会有人相信的吧！
周遭的人对事实的认知，好像并不很讲究。。。

思绪在纠结中。 今晚，公休。

ps: 等了一个星期的，并没有预期的那么值得我等待。

VROOM>....

You know what I've actually been quite productive for the past two days. I've been trying to remember why I want to do this exhibition.

Looking past all the resentment, the petty quarrels, the fears and the irrational phobias of phone correspondence, the irresponsibility of the tutors, the group members and that of my own, I think I caught a wisp of my former motivation. I want to actually do something that would involve more than my little self; to move out of this emo-cave and complete something that would otherwise remain as a figment of my imagination.

For as long as that flame of purpose burns, I'll do my best. Completed 4 proposals and 1 poster in the past two days. Sent out 3 requests for recommendation letters. Completed 1/4 of both CHKU, and HKU's application. Requested for my college transcripts. Sent my SAT scores. And even researched for the taiwan trip (if its happening) through the night, yesterday. While if the project is not enough motivation on its own, I hope that at least I'll have the trip to look forward to. Though Shanghai with its World Expo, does seem pretty enticing....

ps: and friday is coming... ^^

Till then again, I hope I'll have good tidings.
[115 days till I leave the hellhole]
Jeanie

聽了，淚了。

孙燕姿 我的爱 词: 小寒

以为只要简单地生活
就能平息了脉搏却忘了在逃什么

我的爱明明还在转身了才明白
该把幸福找回来 而不是各自缅怀
...
我会在沿海地带等着潮汐更改学着忍耐
不再怕伤害不再怕期待
...
潜意识曾错过的真爱
莫非这是上天善意的安排
好让心更坚定彼此更接近真爱

If dreams would come true..

Well, that all the work i've done. (ALL = ONLY)
and as the title says... if dreams and plans come true... now where can i find that star to wish on...

終於找到對下個星期可以期待的事了。
雖然，很不正確、更和校務一點關係都沒有。但很久沒有對任何事有所期待了。有個寄託總比沒有好。暑假也快過完了，不用想也知道下星期開始日子一定很難熬。 只希望小小的 ‘期待’ 能化為助力了。

還是在放空身心，這幾天工作效率還是底到可悲。看書，看戲ing 的把自己藏在別人的故事中，似乎不很明智。但卻還沒找到面對的勇氣。

閒著無聊竟然唐詩宋詞拿出來抄了幾遍。

李煜 相見歡
林花謝春紅，太匆匆。
奈何朝來寒雨夜來風。
胭脂淚，留人醉，幾來重。
自是人生長恨水長東。

顧夐 訴衷情
永夜拋人何處去？絕來音。
香閣掩，眉斂，月將沈。
怎忍不相尋，怨孤衾。
換我心，為你心，始知相憶深。

原來字抄幾遍真的能背起來的。 回想 O's 有沒有用心抄課文呢？
怎麼又後悔起來了？也想起以前學校也會有書法比賽。中三那年，覺得做這麼無味的事很無聊，又浪費時間，所以亂寫了一通。其他同學卻好認真喔。最後，那樣輕浮的我被老師訓了一頓，說我做事態度不正確。（很感謝那老師喔，有那麼多老師也只有她發現了我的弊病，也曾使著糾正。）原來，我從那時候就錯得離譜。現在補救還來得及嗎？

怎麼會有 ‘ 少年不努力，老大徒傷悲’ 的感覺？我有那麼老了嗎？ 短短的人生中盡是遺憾，做人好像蠻失敗的。。
今晚，胸口好像被過往壓得喘不過氣了。

於1月09日漆黑的深夜，真。

如果。爱

有一天，柏拉图问他的老师什么是爱情，他的老师就叫他先到麦田里，摘一棵全麦田里最大最金黄的的麦穗。期间只能摘一次，并且只可以向前走，不能回头。

柏拉图于是照着老师的说话做。结果，他两手空空的走出麦田。老师问他为什么摘不到，他说：“因为只能摘一次，又不能走回头路，其间即使见到一棵又大又金黄的，因为不知前面是否有更好，所以没有摘； 走到前面时，又发觉总不及之前见到的好，原来麦田里最大最金黄的麦穗，早就错过了；于是，我便什么也摘不到。”老师说：“这就是爱情。”

Part of being Truthful....

Ps: this is meaningless blogging. So just by-pass this post. After I was done, I realized it is a manifestation of my escapism desires. Every word in this piece - forced out to waste time...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I like the heading of this post: "... being truthful". But in my head, a slight analytical voice did a mini thesis on the practical impossibilities of being truthful in a blog entry.

"People might find it. It might work against me. Sometimes, the truth is bad.... "

However, objections aside, I will tell you that i'm now typing this entry on my bed and listening to my Brahms 1st symphony (which I'm trying to learn to appreciate, but cannot be sure if the tunes are agreeable because of itself or its relations to my latest obsession with Nodame Cantabile ) with my NEW denon $100 +++++ earpiece(which i'm absolutely in love with).

Truthfully speaking, I should not be on my bed. Should not be typing this entry. Instead, I should be at work, typing the proposals - which have yet to be done.
But, in truth again, it often happens and while it seemingly works against my resolution to not waste my life away, like the normal weak-willed human being I am, I enjoy the "should nots" in life. Then again, I regret my actions the moment after.

The past days have been eventful, but not productive. I have been living, but not happy.

There was one group meeting, with some interruptions and alot of "psycho-ing" from the lecturers; but irregardless of the lecturers' presence, nothing have resulted from the 150mins I've spent with the group. Disgust should just not be considered as a result, just a typical by-product.

Then, there was party-planning and some shopping with darlings. Being together is enjoyable and such times more rare than they should be. But i'm afraid that i've grown immune to the preps and party excitement. I've grown to give customary reactions and energy when doing certain things, irregardless of how I feel. I fear pauses, silence or even short lapses between conversations. Fear that eventually sets auto-pilot on my crescendos in my actions and words.
I wonder if that could change this year???

Well, I should start on those work. But I know I'll sleep. So much for being truthful. Taking my meds and sleeping in. The truth hurts.

Till then again. Jeanie

RE-resolutions 2010

It like the things that I ought to do.. But ultimately remain undone. I've been meaning to edit my new year resolutions.

There was something missing from the five previous ones.
I want courage to accept change and move on.

I want love, so that I'll won't be alone or selfish. But wanting love for companionship seems like the ultimate selfish act. And from some point, I actually like being selfish. Well.. This one remains conflicting..

The missing resolution is TRUTH. I used to think there are two truths, one that you know in your heart, the other - the one you portray to others. But over the past years, the boundaries of the two have blurred to an inseparable extent that I believe the lies I tell and became deluded about the falsities of my life. So this year, I'm going to not tell lies.. until I discover the meaning of being true to myself, i'm going to stick with being truthful to myself for now.

And the last two, more accurately should be PURPOSE and LIFE.
I'm interested in my purpose, so I'll dabble around to search for it.
As for life, I think I want to continue living. (Note: this is a choice, not a granted situation) So I won't destroy it any further. and I'll not waste it by missing lessons.

2010: just some simple resolutions...

Ps: I missed my old blogging style, it used to flow much better than and is more narrative, so it actually made sense to me - reading it again 1 year later. Well next year if i'm reading this again and cannot understand this. Just try to imagine.

Okay, to not complicate matters and come up with resolutions that won't be fufilled I'm only going to have 5 simple simple ones (I.E abstract). I'm pretty sure the '09 ones are too drastic and expect myself to drop my spots entirely too fast. and I realized that I actually liked some of my spots.

1. COURAGE
- To pursue and move forward.
- To face whatever. Come what may.
- To make, but not repeat, mistakes.
- To NOT REGRET!

2. LOVE.
- in whatever ways.
- and for tong.
- and for daddy, mummy
- To love myself and find some love for others too.
- and be contactable. (trying this again!)

3. CHERISH
- to reduce self-disruptive behaviors
- to attend classes.
- to exercise.

4 INTEREST
- To try and dabble all I want.
- To write.

5. to be thought of.... for now maybe to WORK HARD

and that's who I want to be in 2010. I'm trying a hope, but no obligation, system this year.
-----------------------------------------
Not sure where this fits, but top on my want list of 2010 is a good pair of headphones. I just can't learn to save $$...

Happy New Year to you if you are actually reading this.
I'm not listing it in here today, but my to-do list is extending infinitely. I'm not sleeping on that for the first night of the new year. But hopefully (to almost zero chance) I'll get up early tomorrow.

Maybe I'll tell you what happen tomorrow. If anything happens.
Till then, Jeanie

It's a new year. but i don't feel it...

Greetings...

Actually, I didn't know what to write. The past days -> weeks -> months have been so still for my mental and emotional states, drowning myself (almost literally) in dramas after books after dramas. I didn't want to think or to even do anything. I do admit that even the slightest motions sends me over the panic line. So I was hiding, pretending as usual that it is all going to go away. Wanting so desperately to have the lines and lives of fictional characters drown the overwhelming voices that of my own.

But, i guess, the utter lack of conclusion and resolution of the currently PAST year, sets the alarm bells ringing so loud that even intentional neglect gave way.

I re-read my older posts, especially the ones from the founding of this blog. I realized that though the grammar was atrocious (well, this post isn't SAT grammar proved too), the words were vivid, light and conversational; though the audience is non-existent. Most importantly, there was optimism and hope underlying the change I thought 2009 was going to bring out in me. Evidently, somewhere along the course of 2009, it changed. The resolutions, which once seemed achievable and practical, became redundant and beyond myself.

Summing up 2009...
- I took French for about 3 months. And can't remember beyond "my name is"

- I started with a strict cash and study regime, finish the anti-procrastination book - NOW HABIT, but slacked off so badly. I nearly didn't finish my exams in my 1st year, and have been "stale" since my Hols started. AND is still HEAVILY IN DEBT.

- I wanted to leave behind my depressed soul, but ended up back in the couch of my psychologist office with anxiety issues. and OD-ing on more pills.

- I drank myself "silly" (Emphasized on that one time experience) and to the point which my liver system can no longer handle even just a little alcohol.

- I walked tong pretty often in Jan, but barely exercised once a week now.

- I went to Phuket twice, seeking for a path or way that I could actually live with myself.

... ... ... ... ... on a lighter note

- I took up pottery, because of a korean drama and almost wasted it away when I stopped for 3 months during school. But am picking it up again.

- I decided to go to the states for my BA. Then worked quite hard. Then changed my mind.

- I did my SATs and re-studied some subjects. did okay in the exams. And forgot my grammar rules once more. So much for hard work.

- I discovered that some in my class have been progressing far more than me in the arts field, and realized that other having a hurt pride. I don't care.

- I confirmed that emotions that borders on the L-word, scares the hell out of me. And I still can't handle it.

- I found new flicks of interest in philosophy and century-old quarrels between old dead foggys. But honestly, worry and don't know how long they will last.

- I didn't go to the museums (only once I think) and honestly, don't feel that I missed out on much.

- I realized that I DETEST project planning. And am truly bad at it. With ridiculous fears of emailing and calling strangers.

I listened to purely English (American) music for about 4 months, switched back to Chinese for about 2 months. Mixed them up on itunes for the rest of the time. And now is on Classical Music. (YES, jeanie is listening to classical music. I'm starting with Brahms)

....... some more facts.

- I removed 2 wisdom tooth, both during examination periods. and have just one more to go.

- I know for a fact that I won't return to LASALLE for another year. not even OVER MY DEAD BODY. If I die, just burn me or something, don't ever let me near that school again.

- I think I want to go to Hong Kong for my BA. but just don't know how, and if I would change my mind.

And that was 2009. Unlike the way I was last year, somewhat obsessed with reading twilight (which I cannot respect at all now), optimistic, hopeful and convicted; I start 2010 with very little confidence and much more wariness about the changes and decisions to be made.

PS: the only thing same and constant is that my phone is STILL spoiled. No, it's not the same old Sony Ericsson one. The new nokia one cannot be switched on, and is yet to be sent for servicing.