Part of being Truthful....

Ps: this is meaningless blogging. So just by-pass this post. After I was done, I realized it is a manifestation of my escapism desires. Every word in this piece - forced out to waste time...
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I like the heading of this post: "... being truthful". But in my head, a slight analytical voice did a mini thesis on the practical impossibilities of being truthful in a blog entry.

"People might find it. It might work against me. Sometimes, the truth is bad.... "

However, objections aside, I will tell you that i'm now typing this entry on my bed and listening to my Brahms 1st symphony (which I'm trying to learn to appreciate, but cannot be sure if the tunes are agreeable because of itself or its relations to my latest obsession with Nodame Cantabile ) with my NEW denon $100 +++++ earpiece(which i'm absolutely in love with).

Truthfully speaking, I should not be on my bed. Should not be typing this entry. Instead, I should be at work, typing the proposals - which have yet to be done.
But, in truth again, it often happens and while it seemingly works against my resolution to not waste my life away, like the normal weak-willed human being I am, I enjoy the "should nots" in life. Then again, I regret my actions the moment after.

The past days have been eventful, but not productive. I have been living, but not happy.

There was one group meeting, with some interruptions and alot of "psycho-ing" from the lecturers; but irregardless of the lecturers' presence, nothing have resulted from the 150mins I've spent with the group. Disgust should just not be considered as a result, just a typical by-product.

Then, there was party-planning and some shopping with darlings. Being together is enjoyable and such times more rare than they should be. But i'm afraid that i've grown immune to the preps and party excitement. I've grown to give customary reactions and energy when doing certain things, irregardless of how I feel. I fear pauses, silence or even short lapses between conversations. Fear that eventually sets auto-pilot on my crescendos in my actions and words.
I wonder if that could change this year???

Well, I should start on those work. But I know I'll sleep. So much for being truthful. Taking my meds and sleeping in. The truth hurts.

Till then again. Jeanie