All hell broke soon, and somehow a part of me too.

It's day 3 of my 14 day deadline, I passed on myself to get over/pass (which ever verb applies) my long time building fixation with an unwanted object. The last time I had to pass such a legislation on myself, the execution took say, a year. But accounting that everything is larger and of smaller distance now, AND I believe myself to be a much stronger person than before, I hope to end this saga within 2 weeks.

It NEEDS to end, because I hate the feeling of not being in control or understanding any teeny bit of me. I love reality the way I know it to be, and that's how it's staying till I'm ready. I read in a friend's facebook "about me" section that "any idiot can handle a crisis, it's the day to day living that breaks you down."

Very true, my friend. And it would seem to me that all of my will-power, determination(present or otherwise) has been channel to this new personality sculpting project of mine, putting all works on hold for the past week. If you translate that to simple words, simply means I have NOT done any work at all since the previous week. Not uncommon though, it would seem that i can only work hard in short spurs of the moments and then pause for another short spur. Stamina and determination seems to be a genetic deficiency present in my DNA.

But everything else seems alright, as the dust and fallen into place of a steady routine. A routine led on the nose by my iCal, which pretty much dictate all the parts of my life and schedule (except that I never follow the sections on work).

School isn't much of a chore now. No resentment, no hard feelings, as conversations are now less forced, though oddly(maybe revealingly) centric on me, myself and I. And work. Well, to the devil with others, seem to work fine, as I minimize contact with people I actually don't like. And continue to flaunt my other friendships on my fb wall, with now my entire acquaintances of my past possibly looking in on my life(not that I foresee people actually doing so, I'm not as popular as I would like to believe of myself). Life can be easy and pretty unstressful, even with overbearing deadlines (like my due TOMORROW music paper outline presentation). And I see myself working a great deal at not living with the intention of making others 'like' me. Working hard, and making little progress. Maybe a small step to the revolution, but that should still make history, if i have my say.

I'm enjoying my french lessons for now. Enjoying my regressive attempts on monetary control - splurging on a $100 bag and severely over-priced hair accessories as a retail therapy (sponsored by my overly obliging and spoiling mother).

While my playlist remains english, with new additions I still cannot determine my liking for. And so does my life, a boiling pot of ice - constantly in odds and spilling with trouble, drama and yet in harmony enough to keep me sane.

Till tomorrow or many tomorrows later, jeanie