It's the hour of reckon-ing again. But today, I'm not in the mood for words or typing. So I'll keep it short and sweet.

I've been reading "Living the Truth" last night (Technically. Morning.) We covered till emotional defense mechanisms(EDM). And according to the book, I will have my usual EDMs in place to protect my senses.

EDMs: I identified as
OD-ing on painkillers,
self-pain inflicting (both in which I hope will be gone from my life ever since then).

And other more seemingly normal, yet supposedly numbing habits
like my obsessive habits of
RE-reading of my romance novels and Harry Potter books.
my Re-watching and watching of often senseless dramas.
Blasting my ipod in crowds, my room and everywhere else.
My love of sitting in MRTs to sleep like I don't have a bed at home.
Loving to sleep day in and out, refusing to get up to when civilisation is awake.

Yups, so today I unsuccessfully woke up late as usual, (I was supposed to try to rise and shine in an attempt to remove the EDM to get to my true self on the other side of the mirror). And was grumpy like the dwarf. And then when onto trying to do something out of my EDMs, I tried bringing Tong to the dog run with Dad, Mum and Joanna (who were quarreling like hell on the car - definitely building bad mental associations to this activity). We did get there, just didn't get out of the car, since it begun to rain.

After which, proceeding to watching TV (which I was suppose to limit down - but failed).Then more TV, then dinner with Van's family. All these while, I was mindlessly processing the photos I took on Christmas and at yesterday's party. Together, with the 4 hours plus of facebook-ing, I pretty sure that I formed what the book described as the re-structured EDM(R.EDM). This R.EDM is apparently something my mystically powerful self-protection system came up with to replace the EDM I'm trying to take down. So apparently, I have to battle and minimize till ultimate destruction, both the EDM and R.EDM to remove all my battle scars. Chim right.

Here's the part that confuses me, one of my reasons for wanting to remove the EDM is because I think, LOGICALLY, I should be able to open up my true self to others, i.e be allowed to be myself. So should I really stop FB-ing (though it connects me to people), since it's a R.EDM? Well, conflicts and contradictions are part- and parcel of life's mysteries. I'll just have to sleep on this confusion and try harder.

But I know for sure that tomorrow will be too packed for EDMs(except for blasting Ipods).

I have packed Art history and institutions (boring and a library over-due) instead of a entertaining alternative for:
An Eye check-up,
Hopefully, a Skin treatment(after I scold the people at the National Skin Center),
Pick up my Now Habit book(supposedly to stop my procrastination and help me ACE my 1st academic resolution) from borders.
To check out my latest WANTED item: the Logictech(spells funny) speakers for my Z/tong Ipod with alarm to burn my ears to rise and shine at the Apple Store
To FIX my phone(finally.. I hear you say)

And maybe after all that action, I'll get down to clearing my room. MAYBE, a girl can dream and hope and also to that ten minutes of revelation of my truth and past. That's a pretty long to-do list, tomorrow. Till then again.
PS: Sorry, I lied, this post is LONG-er than short.

Sometimes again, jeanie